How to be Happier Single or DatingMar 10, 2023
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How are you? I really love your content, it's been so helpful for me! Thank you!
I have a request for a post, if that's okay:
I've been single for 4 months and am finding it really hard to get used to. I'm glad I left my last relationship (we were together for 7 years) but I find the ideas most people have about being single really messes with my head (it's also why I didn't leave for a while I think).
I've had a few dates but I want to be able to be happier single but also enjoy going on dates more without the pressure of it all. I'm not sure if this makes much sense but I hope it does.
Thanks so much for anything you're able to offer. I really need it :)"
First of all - I HEAR YOU. With 6 years single under my belt, I know the pressures single people face. It can be such an uncomfortable place to get used to at first, especially coming from a long term relationship. It's natural to find a part of your identity in relationship and learning how to adjust to that afterward takes some practise.
The good news is, there's loads you can do, especially when it comes to defining more of what you think and feel as your own person. This can help establish your thoughts and feelings about being single alongside how you relate to potential romantic partners. Reclaiming this type of mental power can flip the switch on stereotypes, lacklustre dating and that feeling of struggling against the tide.
Whether someone's single or not, we are all always in relationships. This means we have unlimited opportunities to learn about who we are, practise our values and develop our character. The more we learn about the power we have to do this, to explore and engage with life, the greater our potential happiness. We become creators of our experiences instead of victims to them.
5 Top Tips for Being Happier Single or Dating
Be Authentic: Feeling low? That's alright. Want life to look different than how it does right now? No problem. Giddy like a schoolgirl? Cute! A huge issue with dating culture and stereotypes of single people is the pressure to be someone for someone else. Being authentic means being yourself - you don't need to try to be someone you're not to impress your date or convince the world that single people are *happy* (FYI babe, you are not carrying that weight). Authenticity is attractive, and being true to yourself can help you find compatible friends and potential partners.
Communication is Key: Regardless of whether you're romantically involved or not, learning how to articulate your feelings, thoughts and expectations is a life skill. Practise more and more openness and honesty with those around you, letting this flow into your dating life. Communication isn't always easy, depending on how well you've felt heard or understood growing up, but it is vital for deeply satisfying relationships, personal development and self expression.
Better Boundaries: Similar to communication, boundaries help you create and care for relationships of all kinds - including the one you have with yourself. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for self definition and respecting others - it also takes practise, so the earlier and more regularly you start, the better.
Create Fun: Being intentional about creating positive experiences and having fun with yourself and on dates might sound like "ugh I don't want to force it" but in truth, putting the effort in is what makes the difference. Effort gives us opportunities to learn about ourselves and others - sitting around alone at home feeling blue watching reruns in the dark or just visiting the same bar for each first date going over routine questions doesn't create space for positive experiences. Get creative with what you enjoy and the environments you put yourself in! (This can even be creating a cute home environment for solo evenings in)
Focus on Compatibility: Learning about yourself and what you want out of life is vital for finding well matched friends, careers and partners. Being single offers up a lot of time and space to learn about yourself as an individual, to understand your values, goals, and interests. Finding those who align with you can help you build a long-lasting and fulfilling friendships and romantic relationships. This doesn't mean never agreeing or liking every single thing about someone, think of it more like whether you're on a similar journey and going in the same direction.
Be encouraged that by even asking these questions, you're on the right path. Curiosity will take you further than you ever thought, and that makes the future so much more exciting.
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