Worrying? Try this Solution Focused Formula
If you're stuck or overwhelmed with worry, I want to share a simple passage from a reading this morning, from the Dalai Lama.
I'm unsure of how much of his teachings you may be familiar with, but I always find them to be full of wisdom and peace. This one, in particular, targeting a common throw away approach of "can you do anything about it? Well then, don't worry" *throw on your best grimace* and giving it a more solid foundation.
"One of the approaches that I personally find useful is to cultivate the thought: If the situation or problem is such that it can be remedied, then there is no need to worry about it. In other words, if there is a solution or a way out of the difficulty, you do not need to be overwhelmed by it. The appropriate action is to seek its solution. Then it is clearly more sensible to spend your energy focussing on the solution rather than worrying about the problem.
Alternatively, if there is no solution, no possibility of resolution, then there is also no point in being worried about it, because you cannot do anything about it anyway. In that case, the sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be for you.
This formula, of course, implies directly confronting the problem and taking a realistic view. Otherwise you will be unable to find out whether or not there is a resolution to the problem"
You may find from here, that deciphering whether you find this approach useful or not becomes key in addressing the true cause of your worry or frustration,
I know it does for me given that fantasy and rumination can so easily take over when left unchecked.
Imagine the process like this:
Does it have an answer?
Yes. Still worrying? Move to point 3.
No. Still worrying? Move to point 3.
Your worry is likely caused by something else, and so
Let's take the example of a break up:
A relationship no longer serves either party, but you both adore one another - though the relationship itself is not functional or happy, so you have both decided to part ways (for now).
But this still causes you worry, which in turn is making you doubt your decision. So, you think and think of X number of ways around it.
In this instance, the worry is caused by the desire to avoid the discomfort; there is an answer which satisfies both parties but in turn this asks you to face other worries that the original situation likely kept you from, in many respects.
The worry can mask itself as a problem to be solved, in believing if it can stop the break up, it can avoid the pain.
However, acknowledging that instead of worrying about the original "problem" which does have a resolution, you can redirect energy and focus on to soothing and caring for the true cause of discomfort, and the assumptions you believe come with it.
These, when sought, have their own realistic questions to be answered; Is there a solution to feeling alone? Are there ways to find happiness again after a break up? How does one ease heartache? Asking yes/no all over again, taking action in getting yourself closer to answers and support.
If you still find yourself in the thick of it, despite trying this formula of applying a realistic approach, you can then feel rather confident you are not dealing with the situation at hand as much as the emotions or attached ideas. Which requires a different set of skills and methods altogether.
Of course, in total, this requires you to recruit your energy into a positive, solution focused direction, reminding yourself that you have power to create in your life. If you are not able to find this place within yourself, then it also becomes clear this is not about the situation at all, but a deeper feeling of powerlessness where worry has become a rather grim "entertainment".
I've certainly been there in the past, where preoccupation with worry formed an excellent scapegoat to taking responsibility and allowing myself to shrink back from making decisions. This has it's own resolution tool, the first step of which is to acknowledge it.
The key is to remain judgement free of yourself, whatever the answer you find. There is no good or bad here, only the situation and the direction you choose to move in.
I will remind you; you are strong, capable and worthy of all you desire in life. But it does require you to take action.