The AB Method



*HEADS UP* This is a long post, and is a lose transcription of Episode 16 of The Heart Led podcast which you can find here: iTunes Soundcloud Spotify


Let's get into it 👇


Do you ever keep finding yourself in the same old cycle?

  • You want to get your gym focus

  • You’re determined to save money

  • You absolutely categorically will NOT go back with that person

And… it all falls apart?

Maybe your routine falls to bits, you impulse spend ALL your savings or your ex got that drunk midnight call from you AGAIN.

Well today I’m going to be giving you an INVALUABLE tool to help identify and work through these types of negative patterns, see them for what they are AND how to begin to create differently.

I’m going to be sharing the powerful A-B Method that underpins a HUGE amount of my work, it’s a tool I use in my own life and with my paid clients.

So let’s start off by defining the issue, right?

DEFINING THE ISSUE

There’s something you want to achieve or a place you want to get to - getting stronger, saving some money or maybe starting your own business.

So you set out on your goal, and at first you are PUMPED, like woweeee this is it, inspiration is running high and sweet goodness, you cannot wait to reach your goal. Life is good.

Until maybe a few days in, something else crops up… maybe cocktails with friends, or a really really cute but pricy outfit… or even an action packed holiday that’ll set you back a couple of hundred PLUS all the activities…

Whatever it is, there’s a hurdle in the way and a couple of weeks on you’ve packed in on the original goal, dismantled any progress - or so you think - and lamenting the fact that ONCE AGAIN everything’s fallen to bits…

“WHY THE HELL DIDN’T I JUST_______”

First off, I get it. I do. I was a chronic “quitter” and it felt horrible. The self doubt, guilt, shame and anxiety it creates to feel like you’re further and further from your goals is just SHIT.

This can have a huge impact on not only our productivity and action toward our goals, but our self esteem and self image.

If you always see yourself as a “quitter” or someone who isn’t capable, that’s going to built up over time, leading to less and less confidence, and the belief that ‘things just won’t happen for you’

But this simply isn’t true, and today I’m going to show you why not and HOW to break these cycles.

Because, here’s the thing,

These patterns are super normal and common, we actually all have them. Except we handle them in different ways.

So first of all let’s crack open some reasons WHY this happens, because awareness can be key in getting you out of the shame and guilt of not being a robot, which are just simply part of being human

  1. Distraction is normal - our brains love novelty and our attention span is on the decline, this means that when something new and shiny pops up on the radar, it stimulates the brain. Like following a golden path, the brain wants to go there for more of the feel goods

  1. Deferred gratification is harder to imagine, especially if you’ve never experienced it before. This means the drive to achieve can wither a little, especially in the face of something new and fun that’s happening *right now*. Your lack of experience will mean your body is less likely to choose the discomfort of getting there over the good in front of you.

  1. Your self sabotage kicks in - maybe on some level you just don’t think you’re capable, so before you ‘fail’ because you don’t have the skills or grit, you abandon the project or focus on your terms. In many instances, the comfort zone is king

Do you see? GREAT.

Now, with the understanding, that this whole cycle - however it shows up is not about you being rubbish or less worthy than everyone else, let’s move into how the AB Method works and how you can apply it.

>> LISTEN TO THE PODCAST EPISODE HERE <<

THE AB METHOD

Okay, so…

A is where you are

B is where you want to get to

We’re going to use the example of the gym, because frankly, it’s super relatable.

Objectively, practically, going to the gym is simple, it’s so so simple, one foot in front of the other and you’re there - no issues. It’s a functional movement that follows a set of instructions.

If this is the only aspect you were looking at, you may become increasingly frustrated at your lack of execution.

“Why can’t I just go to the gym?”

“It’s ONLY 3 times a week!?”

“Clearly I don’t want it enough”

As I say, this is applicable to pretty much anything - you’ll find yourself in the same fuss over a business, a break up or even self care.

However,

In the AB Method, we look at more than just the A and the B, we look at what comes in between.

For many, this space is HOPPED over mentally, completely and utterly over simplified - if you didn’t manage B and then all non-execution is a blame game of incompetence, lack of willing and self loathing.

If B is the target, it’s natural to focus on B. It’s also natural to focus on A, especially if you don’t want to be at A.

It’s much less ‘normal’ to be in the now, on the journey and mindset of how you will get to B.

When you’re too focused on where you want to get to, it can blind you to what’s happening now, and this happens in layers

In order to support yourself, we need to map the in-between.

In your minds eye - imagine the letter A and then the letter B, and zoom in on and trace the space between the two.

In this example, you’re repeatedly not going to the gym (B), right? You have all the right intentions…

However, in that space between would come…

You’re too tired, cocktails with friends sound too good or you’re lacking motivation

And so rather than B being the issue itself, we’re able to build a better picture of what actually happens, and therefore what needs to be solved.

SO WHAT’S GOING ON?

It isn’t that you’re incapable of going to the gym…

So instead, let’s break down what’s actually in the way…

Too tired… Is your sleep schedule an issue?

Friends a distraction… are you over worked and see this as a way to de-stress?

Lacking motivation… are you relying too heavily on ‘the feeling’ in each moment?

You then use the AB method again, for solutions to these…

A - Too tired… B - get more sleep… what comes in between that? Needing to have a night time routine, or turning off your tech

A - Not enough fun time B have more fun time…. What comes in between that? You’re putting too much pressure on yourself

A - Lacking motivation B - do it when you’re not motivated…. What comes in-between that?

From here, you can break down each step of your process til it feel doable and manageable.

THIS METHOD IS SCALABLE

The AB method is completely scalable, which means it can be sized up or down depending on both A and B - from something as simple as going to the gym through to launching your own business - the difference will be the level of details in between.

Imagine this like zooming in on a map or iPhone - you know where you can pinch to zoom in and out? When you find an area so you zoom in, you would essentially do this with whatever new level you find

LAST IMPORTANT REMINDER

The last little BIG reminder to note here is that even this method can present challenges - maybe you start to uncover some lingering self sabotage because you’re scared of failure, or that you don’t feel worthy of the goal or outcome - this is normal and it’s okay.

The AB Method will help get you on the right path to discovering your learning style and how to support yourself better in it. This does not mean it’s as simple to do alone, and so in whatever capacity feels right for you, I encourage you to seek support whether that be from a therapist, coach, mentor or friend.


LISTEN TO THE AUDIO VERSION OF THIS POST HERE



Sending you SO much love,


Dannielle x

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