Boundaries: What? Where? When? How? Why?
This began innocently enough, and now, it transpires, this post is one of two... so, before I add any more words to this... let's chat boundaries.
Agh, the B word. It gets bounced around like a basket ball, passing swiftly from one person to the next at the start of an impromtu game, before anyone even asks if you actually want to play??
With the tidal rise of self care, self help and wellbeing information, BOUNDARIES have become a go to buzz word along with “red flags”, “narcacist” and “good vibes”.
“Put up boundaries”
“Know your boundaries”
But despite this well intentioned cultural shifting, you may just be wondering WHAT TF ARE BOUNDARIES???
Well, my sweet, I have good new for you. Today we’re diving right in, learning more about what boundaries are, and in another post - because I realised HOW MUCH THERE IS TO WRITE ABOUT WITH THIS - how to set, manage AND take responsibility.
In my work, boundaries is one of the most common areas of focus. Unsurprising really, considering each one of my clients has this tricky trait in common: they are human beings, raised in a society that does little to teach about emotions, let alone boundaries and how to set or respect them.
So if you’re feeling strung out in your relationships, drained by work or simply at your wits end with your overall wellbeing; this is for you. And I promise, this taking responsibility thing is a lot more refreshing than it sounds.
In fact, taking responsibility for your boundaries can increase your energy levels, confidence AND improve relationships. Sound good? Let’s go…
First off, we’re going to answer our WHAT… What is a boundary?
Emotional boundaries define the separation of your feelings from another's feelings.
Over stepping, violating or breaking an emotional boundary can include; taking responsibility for another’s feelings, allowing other's feelings dictate yours, sacrificing your own needs to please others, blaming others for your problems, and accepting responsibility for what is another's.
There are different types of boundaries too; physical, sexual, financial, emotional, professional, relational, intellectual, material, time. A boundary is that space you define for yourself that, in many ways, sets a term or another of what is an important value, standard, desire or belief you have that is separate to another.